i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
