i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
