I wish I could punch you in the face.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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