I feel like abortions should bother me more
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
