i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he thought i was a dude.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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