nut hugger
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
