dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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