He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
