All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
