ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
