then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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