More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
