I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
