Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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