If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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