I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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