I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I need a hoe opinion
go on
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
