i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
