I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
vagina is talking i cant
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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