do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
