He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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