when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
