I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
