You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
