i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
