help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Duck Duck Cougar?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
