Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
