Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
