Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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