Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
