"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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