Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
