I think I am morally bankrupt
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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