You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
