I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
