I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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