Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I had to cum in my sink.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
