I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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