4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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