okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
