You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
