dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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