This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
