Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize