I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
