She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
