If i come over, it means nothing
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
