I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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