I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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