YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
