So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
no you cant smoke seaweed
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
