Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
