I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
