I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
