apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
