apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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