6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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