so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
