At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
