I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize