wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
