He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
