I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
