I wannas sexs uuuuu
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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