Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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