I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize