we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
