I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
