Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
