I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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