These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
