i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
