mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
