This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
