And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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