Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
